Camclub articles

September 2010

The Healing Power of Intimacy

By David Brown, Founder of ICASA; the UK Recovery Centre for Healing Fear of Intimacy This article is an adapted extract from David Brown’s forthcoming book ‘The Healing Power of Intimacy’.

Sex can be the means to profound joy and the mobilisation of human life. It can also be a cause of anguish, violence and death. The aspect of human relationships we call “sexual” can be a beautiful force for good or an ugly power of evil. It is no wonder that religious and other custodians of human morals over the centuries have struggled in vain to exert a perfect balance between expression and repression in this particular arena of human relationships. For the past twenty years, I have worked in the field of sexual recovery and healing with individual men, women and couples who suffer from fear of intimacy. In the vast majority of cases in that time - represented by the better part of a thousand clients – sexual anxieties and dysfunctions are symptoms of deep pain and turmoil experienced through past sexual experiences, or through the isolation felt as a result of an absence of intimacy and sexual experience.

The greatest need in human beings is self-acceptance. Living at peace in the mind is true health, irrespective of personal circumstances or physical condition. Much of our society’s understanding of sex is based on myth and mistaken perspectives. The result is that the bedroom becomes a stressful place and sex becomes another task at which to succeed – or fail. The fear of being fundamentally unacceptable is the basis of most forms of sickness and a grasping for the physical aspects of sex leads to further disillusionment. True intimacy transcends judgement, minimises the risk of rejection and creates connection at the level of mind and feeling. In finding this state of true intimacy we need to explore the nature and characteristics of love, enquiring into the age old question “What is Love?” We also need to examine the role of free will and whether human beings can consciously choose to love.

To explain the inexplicable, to describe the indescribable, is obviously impossible. Ultimately, to know what love is, you must feel it. Love is illimitable. Scientists will tell you that we use only around 0.5% of our brain. The truth is that we understand even less about life force, still less about consciousness and practically nothing about love. In the same way that explorers of the world began to discover the physical land-masses of the earth, astronomers the starry planets and scientists the energy fields, we who are human beings, in the process of our soul journey, have the duty and responsibility to explore the ‘Ocean of Love’. Evolving through the forces of love is the purpose of life. What other purpose can there be that answers the question: “Why am I here?”

Too often love is immediately associated with hurt - with pain. Many relationships end with incurable scarring despite the good that may have otherwise been drawn from the time spent together. However we need to make a clear distinction here; the energy of love itself cannot hurt or wound, it can only heal. People can cause hurt or pain but not love itself. In fact unconditional love should be an essential ingredient within intimate relationships, and also within therapeutic modalities, in order to facilitate healing. So what is unconditional love and how can it be cultivated? How may unconditional love be integrated within the healing and caring professions without breaking ethical boundaries and without attracting burn-out? How can intimate relationships that have run their course end in a beautiful way?

As we continue to explore these questions on our voyage into love we soon become aware of feelings. Most people today, including those learned men and women involved in the medical and psychological professions, are under the false impression that feelings are generated solely within the human body by the nervous system and the brain. This is a false premise and one that leads, amongst other problems, to difficulties in personal relationships, including performance anxieties and fears regarding intimacy. While the brain through the nervous system registers feelings, they do not originate there. What we experience as feeling is actually the energy of life itself. It may be referred to as the force of life – or “life force”. This “life force” is energy of a finer, or subtler, substantiality than that of the atomic structure existing behind matter, though not so subtle as the energy of consciousness which is primordial in the cosmos. Life-force is around us everywhere and can be experienced within the body, although it does not originate there.

Repressed or suppressed emotions and thoughts may eventually become pain and ailments, including serious conditions which in some cases may even lead to death. Energy that is trapped in the body can be released, however, through personal expression of the powerful feelings that have been suppressed. Intimacy, within a safe, non-judgemental relationship, is a very effective theatre for such release and healing. Bodily movements and audible release methods can be taught and practiced as an effective healing treatment for many emotionally and physically sick patients who are not responding to conventional medicine.

Intimacy isn’t something that you do – it’s actually something you are – a state of being. Fear of intimacy is being afraid to be you, afraid to be yourself without masks or defences. Fear of intimacy is also a fear of being truly happy. To be intimate - open and undefended - with a lover, to be fully known and accepted by another, is to be truly loved. To be afraid of intimacy is ultimately to be afraid of love.

For most people, sexual intercourse is a physical attempt to meet the deepest longing in the human being, that of experiencing a sort of “merging” with a lover - the end of isolation. By having sexual intercourse, people attempt to end the isolation that lonely feelings echo in mind and body. But too often they are left feeling separation and emptiness as a result of an “outside-in” approach to lovemaking. Widowhood, divorce, chronic shyness, ageing, sickness, terminal illness - all these stages and circumstances of life seem to amplify the cry of the lonely soul. The experience of “merging” through lovemaking can meet this need whereas sexual intercourse as purely a physical or functional act cannot. Even merging through intimate self-pleasuring can meet the longing for a forgotten and lost love whereas masturbation, as a purely physical or mental act of fantasy and relief from sexual tension, cannot. True lovemaking is not about physical satisfaction; it is about joining with love. It can be revelation. It can reveal the state beyond that of happiness - Bliss. It can dissolve the fear of love – the fear of becoming happy – a fear to which so many people cling. Once a person experiences Bliss within themselves, and as a consequence, with others, they will have discovered how to finally let go and truly live.

David Brown and his team at ICASA work with individuals and couples who are experiencing problems in the area of intimacy, relationships and sex. www.icasa.co.uk David will be speaking at the CAM exhibition at 1.45pm on Saturday 23rd October 2010 and will be offering free personal assessments by appointment on the ICASA Stand (number 2228) throughout the exhibition.

What is the Complementary and Natural Healthcare Council (CNHC)
and why register?

The CNHC is the UK regulator for complementary healthcare

The Complementary and Natural Healthcare Council (CNHC) opened its register in January 2009. Its key function is to enhance public protection by setting nationally agreed standards for registration. It follows over ten years of work by many professional associations to introduce regulation to complementary healthcare in the UK.

At the time of writing the CNHC registers practitioners from nine disciplines: Aromatherapy, Alexander Technique Teaching, Bowen Therapy, Massage Therapy, Nutritional Therapy, Reflexology, Shiatsu, Sports & Remedial Therapy and Yoga Therapy. Practitioners from further disciplines are due to be eligible to register during 2010 and you can find the most up to date details on the CNHC’s website at www.cnhc.org.uk .

The CNHC is different from professional associations
The role of the CNHC is different to the role of professional associations. It has been set up to ensure public protection and acts in the public interest. Practitioners register with the CNHC and go onto a public register. The CNHC liaises with government and others in the public interest on all regulatory issues.

Professional associations are membership organisations. They provide a range of benefits and services for practitioners and act in the interest of the complementary therapy professions. They support the CNHC in setting standards for registration and accreditation and work to support practitioners with meeting those standards.

Why register with the CNHC?

• Use of the CNHC Quality Mark: Practitioners who register with the CNHC are able to use the CNHC ‘quality mark’ (see top of article) on their websites and in publicity materials. This means the public can choose with confidence by looking for the CNHC quality mark.

• Employment advantages: An increasing range of bodies such as employers and insurers are using CNHC registration and the quality mark as an independent validation of standards. CNHC registration is increasingly required for referrals.

• CNHC and professional associations working together: The CNHC does not replace professional associations it is in addition to them. The CNHC is independent from but works with the professional associations to raise and maintain standards of practice and it is increasingly seen as good practice to sign up to both.

• Government recognition: The CNHC is Government-backed. In November 2009 Kate Ling of the Department of Health stated: “CNHC is the only voluntary regulatory body for complementary healthcare which has official government backing. No other organisation has the same exacting criteria or focus on safety and quality.”

By registering with the CNHC, practitioners demonstrate to the general public and other healthcare providers that they meet national standards of practice in their work. This is the first time this has been possible.

CNHC – £15 registration discount at this year’s Camexpo! The CNHC is offering a £15 discount on its registration fee at this year’s Camexpo. Come to Stand 2536 or the CNHC Seminar on Sunday 24th October from 3.15 – 4.00pm for details.

Weight Loss Through Hypnosis – A New Approach:

The recent high level of media interest in hypnosis as an effective method for weight control seems to be continuing unabated. A recent programme on Channel 4 (“Who Knows Best? Fighting The Fat”) pitted a hypnotherapist against a personal trainer to gauge the effectiveness of each method for weight loss over a six-week period. The trainer in the end reported the higher loss, but this was all down to a seriously punishing exercise regime and a final week of “crash” dieting in order to promote rapid weight loss. At least the hypnotherapist was concerned to put the interests of her client first, and was concentrating on the long-term which is where the real goal should always be.

As we have now come to realise; behavioural change is where long-term differences are made; but those changes have to include sound new eating and exercise habits in order to optimise the health and well-being of the client. Again, in the T.V. programme, there was no mention by either party of the “HOW” you eat being as crucial to weight management as the “WHAT” you eat.

Hypnodieting is the non-diet diet programme that helps those trying to lose weight to understand their relationship with food; and how to change their habits and behaviour. With the Hypnodieting Programme, they find that they can lose weight naturally and learn how to keep it off permanently.

Hypnodieting Ltd. provides a complete training solution for those interested in running their own successful independent ethical business as a Hypnodieting Consultant. The courses are designed to enable you to become a fully a qualified Hypnodieting Consultant whether you are already a Hypnotherapist or even if you have no previous health-related experience at all. All the vital information you need in order to help promote lasting and healthy weight loss for your clients is included in your Course.

Hypnodieting Ltd. is exhibiting this year on Stand 2523at the CAM show in Earls Court in October. Members of the Training Team as well as existing Hypnodieting Consultants will be on hand to answer any queries and will happily provide full details of their Courses.

Natural Therapy Pages –How do Certain Foods Affect Our Moods?

If you are feeling tired, moody or just generally run down, it could be due to the foods you are eating. Read on to find out how certain foods may affect your moods.

How do Certain Foods Affect Our Moods?

Foods act as kinds of chemical compounds that can directly alter the brain chemicals (neurotransmitters) that allow us to function normally on a day-to-day basis.

When neurotransmitters such as serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine are found to either be deficient in amount, or inefficient in their uptake ability, the blues often result. Interestingly, certain food components have also been found to have influence on the level of neurotransmitters, making what you eat all the more important when managing states of depression.

Superfoods to Boost Your Mood

Oily fish such as salmon, mackerel, sardines and herring contain high levels of Omega 3s that are rich in the EPA that acts as a natural yet powerful anti-depressant.

Wholegrain cereals, such as pasta, breads, oats and brown rice. These foods have been shown to elevate tryptophan levels in the brain. This neurotransmitter is used to produce Serotonin, the “feel-good” neurotransmitter thought responsible for symptoms of depression when in deficiency.

Dark green vegetables, such as Spinach and peas are rich in folate, which plays a key role in Serotonin absorption. Chicken and turkey, two meat choices that are rich in the Vitamin B6 essential to serotonin production in the body. Edamame beans, which are rich in protein and help to stabilize blood sugar levels that may influence mood. Ground flaxseeds, which are rich in Omega 3 fatty acids, and may stablise the mood by increasing levels of serotonin in the brain.

Legumes and soy, which both contain rich amounts of the B vitamin Thiamine that is essential to a stable cognitive and sharp memory function, as well as to building healthy brain cells.

Avocados, which are rich in both Omega 3 fatty acids and Vitamin E, an anti-oxidant found deficient in most Depression patients.

Like this article? Read hundreds of similar articles at Natural Therapy Pages www.ntpages.co.uk – the UK’s most visited alternative health website.

Help Yes to Life say ‘Yes’

Yes to Life adopts a truly positive ethos - keeping the possibility of a remarkable outcome firmly in the frame by supporting people with cancer in their hopes.
Four years ago, in response to the death of his daughter at age 23 after years of coping with cancer, Robin Daly set up Yes to Life, the first organisation of its kind. Once it became clear that orthodox treatment had nothing further to offer his daughter, the immense difficulties he faced in researching the best choices of CAM, in getting the considerable funding required and in finding practitioners with the skills to provide treatment, spurred Robin into founding Yes to Life as a means to bring about changes in cancer care in the UK.
The best way Yes to Life can grow sustainably is to engage the support of the CAM industry as a whole – the industry that Yes to Life is promoting every day by its very existence.

Yes to Life is the first and only UK charity dedicated to empowering people with cancer by directly supporting them in obtaining an integrative approach to treatment; one that allies the best of CAM with orthodox approaches.
Yes to Life’s free services include:

1. Help Centre services: a help line, patient grants for a Cancer Option personalised report, and for CAM treatments

2. Searchable on-line directory of CAM treatments and practitioners linked to cancer type

3. Wellbeing Workshops: workshops for people with cancer on non-toxic lifestyle choices
In addition to direct support with information and grants, Yes to Life, helps those with cancer set up personal fundraising schemes, giving people the opportunity to do something positive for themselves and giving their friends and family a way to support them directly, and thereby creating a community of care that dispels the isolation often experienced by people with cancer.
We are asking all those involved in the CAM industry to enable this unique service to not just to continue, but to grow and develop. Donating a regular amount each month by standing order will give Yes to Life the ability to do more for more people with cancer, while promoting the values of CAM.
What our beneficiaries say:
‘I can honestly say that I am sure that without Yes to Life I would not be at this point where I feel I am in control of the disease. Thank you.‘
‘Being able to talk to you has been invaluable. Your positivity really helped me to keep going on through the difficult times during the waiting that ensued around the seeking of a second opinion. Now we intend to go on positively with the route ahead.’
‘Thank goodness for the support of Yes to Life for those of us choosing this path to wellness; it is such a help knowing there are people who not only don’t judge this choice but also actively support it!’

Please support Yes to Life. For a standing order form, click here

Joanie Speers, executive director, Yes to Life

Yes to Life
Unit 4, The Energy Centre, Bowling Green Walk, London N1 6AL
Telephone: 0845 257 6950 [email protected] www.yestolife.org.uk
Company No: 05495576 Registered Office: as above Registered Charity No: 1112812